slowly i learn not to make plans.

perhaps i should know by now that my life comes in unpredictable bursts.

slowly i learn to accept this.

perhaps its time to reject the standards of society and assume my own course.


i dont even see the point anymore in trying to make plans ahead of time for me, because its always a dismal failure. where will i end up this summer? who in hell knows. i don't. i thought i had an inkling and then it went out the window. i suppose theres no point in getting my hopes up for things that I would know about months in advance, because the truth is they won't happen.

is it wrong to feel that going home is not an option?
does it even matter to me if it is?
didn't i give that up a while ago?


i guess the real question is, do I even really want to know where i'm going?

there isn't much that really antagonizes me.

but there are some things.

for instance, when people use tools that are designed to help them help other people (change the world, etc) to help themselves. you know, going to a program designed for young social innovators to network and gain resources.......so that they can put it on their resume and further their own advancement.

the older i get, the more i detest and reject things like ambition and competition.

but is it possible to win a victory for those who need one without playing the game?

i don't like sucking up. i don't like climbing over others, clawing my way to the top. i don't like going behind the backs of those who trust me. i don't like compromising the things that are important to me.

i'm a poli sci major who hates politics. ironic, no? i knew that going in. but i also knew that you have to understand the game in order to outwit it..........

........in order to change it.