moving forward

Forgiveness cannot change the past, but it can enlarge the future. - my fortune cookie

is it possible that if you pretend for so long to have something that you lost, and then you get it back, it is no longer real? can it still be revalidated with love and time? sometimes i wonder.

i have fought so hard yet now i stop and start to wonder what if what i've been fighting for can even exist any more. it saddens me greatly to ask that question. i wish i didn't have to, but i do.

the truth is that i know the answer is no, at least not entirely the way that it was. the way that we were. i've wanted to believe that forgiveness and love would heal everything - that i would be able, through my reaction, to right a wrong i never committed. but that's not really possible. can things still be good, even great between us? yes. can they be as they were before? no.

i had what could pretty much be considered the easiest relationship known to man. for nine months there was nothing - not a blip on the radar, no problems, nothing. there was no need for distrust or questioning. there was innocence.

that doesn't, can't exist any more. but something else can - an older, deeper understanding, if we are ready for it. are we? i truly don't know. only time will tell.

while loving forgiveness cannot return what was lost, it is impossible to find a way forward without it.

I'm coming home, I'm waking you up
In the middle of the night, I'm not giving up
I'm gonna stay til we work it out
We're not going down even if it get's worse
We'll work it out......